Distance
by Sherlocking
Summary: SLASH. Arthur makes the worst decision of his life. He's not the only one hurt. I DO NOT OWN MERLIN.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue; [Is that how you spell it?]**

* * *

Life is full of hard decisions. Make a mistake, and it seeps through your life like ink, slowly breaking you down until there's nothing left. Just a shell. No emotion, no happiness.  
Then, your loved ones start worrying. You tell them that you're okay, and put on a fake smile.

The happiness you see on other peoples face's hurts. It hurts when you see other people having fun with their loved ones.

At night, you can't stop picturing his face. His voice, his clumsiness. You wake up, tears flooding down your face.

That's the moment that you realize that you just made the biggest mistake of your life.

And so it was that Arthur Pendragon realized what should always have been clear to him.

* * *

**Author's Note: Also, I will probably update this very randomly, so if you like it, Story Alert will probably be useful.  
I'm in the middle of the next part. [It will be a lot longer, don't worry] :) **


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin slowly woke, black tendrils of hair laying messily over his pale complexion.

He yawned softly, opening his bright blue eyes, his lips turned up into a smile.

And then it hits him. His shoulders immediately sagged, and his face screwed up in an attempt to evade tears.

_It had all been a dream. Arthur had not come back for him_. A single tear escaped Merlin's defense and he wiped it away angrily.

-

Arthur stared down at the piece of red cloth, lettings his hands run through the soft material. This was all he had left of Merlin. A neckerchief.

Now, Arthur knew. He had to find Merlin.

It was several weeks later by the time he finally took action.

-

As Arthur readied his dapple grey horse, he saw Morgana and Gwen doing the same. He marched straight up to them and demanded to know where they were going. Morgana sheathed her sword rather violently before answering.

"To find Merlin" she replied venomously. "If you try to stop me, I won't hesitate to harm you." She gave him one last angry look before turning away. Gwen also gave the prince a harsh glare.

He sighed before asking a question that neither woman expected. "May I accompany you?" he asked, staring at Morgana as she turned around, shocked. She stared directly into his eyes, as if determined to find any sense of evil.

Hesitantly, she agreed. They rode off into the sun, the two women making sure to keep a watchful eye on the prince.

-

When Merlin saw the white horse riding towards him, a familiar golden-haired man atop of it, he should have felt something. He should have been excited, or scared. But all that happened was his heart gave a short leap. He did not react. He simply looked away and continued walking. He had been fed up with emotions several weeks ago. All he had wanted was to be free of them.

-

Arthur stared in shock as he saw Merlin look up, _definitely see him_, and keep walking. Morgana jumped straight off her horse, as did Gwen, and they both ran straight up to Merlin, hugging him and talking excitedly. Arthur watched in confusion as he saw their grinning faces slowly turn to shock and confusion.

-

"Merlin?"  
Merlin turned slowly, to be confronted with an extremely confused Arthur. Merlin stared at him, face free of any emotion. "Yes?" he asked in a dull monotone.

Now, Arthur knew why the other two has been so shocked. This wasn't the Merlin they knew. He had lost the twinkle in his eyes, the happiness that radiated from him at all times. He was too skinny, and he looked as if he hadn't slept in a while. Merlin stared blankly at Arthur, before Arthur tried to speak again. "Wh-? What? Are you oka-? Did yo- WHAT HAPPENED?"

Merlin simply looked bored. "What do you mean? Nothing happened." He answered robotically, as if reading off a sheet.

When Arthur didn't answer, Merlin shrugged and walked off.

Arthur gaped after him, utterly and profoundly nonplussed. And so he marched straight to where he knew Merlin's house to be.

"Hunith" he greeted, smiling at the kind woman. "Arthur!" she exclaimed, embracing the prince. He stood, a little shocked, before patting her back somewhat awkwardly.  
"Merlin had missed you so much" she said, and Arthur just became even more confused. "Speaking of Merlin," he started conversationally. "Is he alright?"

Hunith lowered her gaze to the floor. "I- I don't really know." She said softly, her eyes burning with concern. "He's just been so… detached lately. He doesn't care about anything. He used to cry at night, but he's even stopped doing that."

The words fell from Arthur's lips almost automatically. "Do you know why?"

Hunith looked at him sadly. "Well. When he cried… He always said your name. He said that he 'didn't mean to.' Do you know what he meant?" She scrutinized his expression.

Arthur sighed, knowing that he couldn't avoid telling her the truth. "Merlin wasn't sent back for no reason." He said, maintaining eye contact. "I fired him. I sent him away. I told him that he was lucky I wasn't having him killed."

Hunith immediately looked up, shocked. "Y- You know, then." She stated carefully, staring at him for any change in expression.

"Yes. I know that your son is a sorcerer." he replied, and he cringed as her eyes widened.

* * *

**A/N; With the last chapter, I meant prologue. NOT EPILOGUE. heh :)**


	3. Chapter 3

"I thought that you were friends." Hunith said, her eyes burning into his. He closed his eyes, and replied. "We were. We _ARE_. That's why I'm here."

After thoroughly explaining that he regretted his actions, Arthur took his leave, just in time to see Morgana attempting to talk some sense into Merlin.

"Merlin" said Morgana softly. "What's wrong? What happened to you?"  
She flinched when Merlin turned around, his face just as emotionless as before. "Nothing." He said. "Why?"

"Merlin. There is something wrong. Look at you! You're too skinny, you look like you haven't eaten or slept in weeks, and you seem so… down."  
She knew that her words hadn't enforced as much power as she would've liked, but she desperately needed to get her point across.

"Nothing's wrong, Morgana. Don't worry about me."  
He was still talking in a melancholy tone, and it broke Morgana's heart to see her friend so broken and lifeless.

-

The next day, Gwen followed suit and tried to help Merlin. She had no more luck than Morgana.

-

Then, it was Arthur's turn. Seeing as he was the one closest to Merlin, they all thought that he would have a better chance at making a difference.

After Morgana had come up with a slightly crazy plan to make Merlin show feelings, Arthur just laughed at her. Until he realized she was serious. "You want me to have mood swings? THAT'S your brilliant plan?"

Far from looking sheepish, she simply ordered him to leave. So Arthur set off to find Merlin, feeling like a complete fool.

-

"Merlin. I command you to tell me what is wrong." He said regally, staring Merlin down.  
It didn't work. Merlin just stood there, looking bored as ever. So Arthur continued with the rest of the plan.

Morgana and Gwen watched from the bushes. The plan that Morgana had made really wasn't that extraordinary. What they had really wanted was to see this part of the plan.

After screaming at Merlin, crying, and then screaming again, Arthur suddenly swooped down and swept his lips against Merlin's.

Merlin's eyes widened momentarily, before immediately going back to their dull state. Arthur growled irritably, and stalked off, intent on screaming at Morgana. Morgana hurried back to the inn where they were staying to meet him.

-

"His expression changed. I swear it." said Morgana, as soon as Arthur stalked into the room. He looked at her sarcastically. "That's not why I'm angry. You said that he returned my feelings. YOU SAID HE DID!"

Arthur yelled the last part, and his face scrunched up in anger and sadness. Morgana felt herself tearing up. She put a shoulder around Arthur before speaking softly.

"He loves you, Arthur. I think that's why he left."

"But… couldn't he have told me that he was leaving?"  
Arthur's voice had a desperate tone to it, and Morgana smiled sadly before replying.

"You remember how angry you were. He chose to trust you with his secret, and you told him to get out of Camelot. You abandoned him."

She felt like crying when she saw his heartbroken face.

"I know." He said softly to himself.

"_I know."_

* * *

**A/N:  
AWWW at Arthur :D**

Sorry for the epic lag :)


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Merlin was awake, he walked into the forest, to a small clearing. It was breath-taking. It was covered by a canopy of luscious green trees, abundant in small flowers, and the sun shone golden through the leaves in beautiful intricate patterns. There was even a small pond, in which small dark green lily pads were floating, shining in the sun. Merlin walked straight over to what looked like a wooden bench. He fingered the inscription on the side lovingly.

'_Will nd Merlin mayd tis bench' _

It was written in childish handwriting, surrounded by tiny smiley faces that a younger Merlin had inscribed.

Merlin sat there, staring at the ripples that the small multi-coloured fish were making in the azure pond. A small, blue bird settled on the arm of the bench, and chirped happily at Merlin, cocking its head at him. Merlin lay down and began talking to the little bird.

"Your life is so simple." he said, his voice still robotic, but his eyes burning with emotion.

"You haven't gone through everything for someone, haven't virtually given your life for them multiple times. Then when you trust _them_, they don't want anything to do with you. You haven't been in love."

His voice cracked slightly when he said the last sentence. He looked up, only to see that the bird had left. He sighed softly, and slowly got to his feet, leaving the beautiful place behind.

Merlin wasn't sure why he went to the forest every morning. It had become a ritual, and it was pretty much the only stable part in his life. The forest was the only thing that would never leave him. It would always be there the next day, pristine, serene and beautiful.

These were the thoughts going through Merlin's mind as he trudged back to his house, unaware that someone very familiar had seen, and heard, everything.

-

The blonde head ducked into the bushes as Merlin turned around. Merlin dismissed it, sure he was imagining things, and kept walking.

Arthur kept watching Merlin. The entire day. As the boy worked in the fields, took a nap, and ate. Arthur needed to know how to fix this.

He finally went up to the brunette in the afternoon.

"Merlin?" said Arthur, and Merlin looked at him dully.

"Yes?"

Then Arthur made the decision to take this problem by the head.

"If I told you that I had feelings for you, how would you react?"

"I wouldn't."

"If I told you that I love you, how would you react?" For half a second, it looked like Merlin was shocked. But it was gone too quickly to tell.

"I don't know." He said, and looked away, "I have to go."

And Merlin walked to his house,still looking lifeless. But inside, his heart and mind were battling like there was no tomorrow.

_You love him. And he loves you. Why don't you want to be happy? _

_Because Arthur broke my heart. _

_He might be able to fix it too._

_He exiled me. How could he possibly love me?_

_Maybe he was just shocked._

Merlin growled in frustration. He paced around while thinking, before collapsing onto his bed. He would decide what course of action to take tomorrow.

-

Arthur sat in the inn, staring at the ground. How could he prove that he loved Merlin? Was it even possible to mend Merlin's heart?

_You don't care if it's possible. You're still going to try._

He sighed resignedly and sat on his bed, trying to formulate a plan.

* * *

**Author's Note:  
I am SO SORRY for the delay. I have NEVER had such a bad case of writer's block.  
In fact, I STILL have no ideas. If you have any, message me :D  
X**


	5. Chapter 5

"Morgana. When I said I needed help with a plan, I didn't mean to be a…. a GIRL." said Arthur furiously.

"Oh, I am so cut." replied Morgana sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. "But I think that this might actually work. Do you want Merlin to be happy or not?" she demanded, and he slumped his shoulders in defeat.

-

When Arthur approached Merlin, he saw the man's eyes flicker slightly.

_What. The. Hell?_  
Merlin took in Arthur's goofy smiling face, and the girly flowers clutched in his hands.

"H-hi. My name is Arthur Pendragon." said the blonde nervously, his face turning slightly pink. He held the flowers out to Merlin.

"I know what your name is. What in Gaius's name are you doing?" asked Merlin sullenly, though inside, he was torn between amusement and confusion.

"Um. Starting over?"

"With what?" Merlin would have looked confused, if he hadn't trained his expression so well.

"You."

"I don't know what you mean." stated Merlin, and he made to leave. Arthur grabbed his arm, and he turned to see blazing blue eyes. Arthur _did_ always have a problem with his temper.

_To hell with the plan, _thought Arthur.

"Would you stop doing that!?" Arthur waved his hands exasperatedly, dropping the forgotten flowers on the ground.

Merlin almost sighed. "What?"

"Stop acting so... dead! And stop IGNORING ME! And stop walking away from me!"

Merlin surveyed the enraged blonde uninterestedly.  
"If you have such a problem with me, I suggest that you go back to Camelot, where you belong." He said simply, and turned to leave again. Arthur stopped him again, and whirled him around to face him.

"I'll go back to Camelot when I have you back!" declared Arthur, and if it wasn't for his strict monotony, Merlin would have scoffed.

"I'm right here." said Merlin, and saw Arthur's eyes raging again.

"No, you're not. I want the clumsy, funny, annoying, adorable Merlin you were before. I WANT YOU BACK." yelled Arthur, stamping his foot childishly. He realized that he had just called Merlin adorable, and he flushed.

"Merlin, please." continued the blonde desperately, and Merlin wondered if the blonde was having mood swings again.

"I didn't mean- In Camelot...- I'm sorry!"

Merlin watched him silently, though he could feel the emotion emanating from him.

"Please Merlin. Please forgive me." begged Arthur, overcome with emotion. He knew that if Merlin didn't forgive him now, he never would.

"I need you." he said simply, Merlin remained quiet, observing. He was a little awed, as he could feel Arthur's emotions in the air, just as he could sense magic. Sadness and regret were pulsating off him in waves.

And then he felt the emotions change slightly, anger and desperation becoming more apparent.

"I love you, do you not understand that!? I. Love. You. I love everything about you, and I can't stand it when you're upset!"  
There were now tears streaming down Arthur's face, and his voice had become choked. He rubbed furiously at his eyes.

"I will never call you an idiot again?" he offered, smiling a little through the tears.

Merlin's mouth twitched and Arthur watched, inwardly screaming of triumph and happiness, when Merlin cracked a small smile.

"Do you… forgive me?" asked Arthur in a croaky, unbelieving voice, eyes wide. He was hoping with every fiber of his being. Everything depended on this man. Merlin meant _everything_. It was impossible to describe the feeling he was currently experiencing. He was at the edge of a cliff, either to plummet to his downfall, or soar high into the glorious perfection that could match heaven itself.

Merlin looked down, and Arthur's heart plummeted. His eyes were burning, filling with his warm anguished tears.

"I think…" started Merlin softly, looking up. Arthur was shocked to see tears forming in his eyes.

"I think I forgive you." He said, smiling a little.

Arthur was shaking, he was almost 90 percent sure he was dreaming, but his ecstasy was overpowering everything, and with a large leap, he took Merlin into his arms.

"Is this real?" he whispered into Merlin's sweet-smelling hair, and felt the brunette's soft laughter rumble through his body. Merlin pulled away, and stared into Arthur's eyes before answering.

"Yes."

-

**Author's Note:  
Should I end this here, or continue it?  
X**

Review if you can :)


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